Very Emotional

Alright so I do most of my writing when I'm upset or just emotional. Well tonight would be the night. I have been crying for about 4 hours now. Everything is making me cry like a baby. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing but the crying won't stop.

It all started when I started to watch the new season of The Biggest Loser. Here's a little background into my life. I've always been a little chubby. I've never had a flat stomach (a huge goal of mine). I've always loved food. Maybe I'm in denial but I've never felt that I had a problem with eating, like an addiction. Most of my family is over weight. My dad's side of the family has the biggest weight problem. My dad is 6'1 and weighs 250. Now I think he looks fine but I know he's not as healthy as he could be. He's also my dad so I'm naturally going to stick up for him. My aunt is almost 6ft tall as well. I'm not sure of her weight but I'm guessing she's at least 250 if not more. My uncle who passed away just over 2 years ago was just 8 days away from turning 30 and at least 450 pounds when he passed away. He had been fighting Pneumonia for a couple of weeks. He was taken to the emergency room 2 days before. The morning he passed he woke up and said he felt better than ever. Unfortunately 20 minutes later he passed. He died of a blood clot in his lung. The doctors weren't able to see it because there was so much fat. In the end he died before he made it to 30. I remember when I was young family members saying he won't make it to 30. Unfortunately he proved them right.

In high school my weight fluctuated between 125 and 135. For my height and body frame that weight was perfect. I'm 5'5 with a medium build. I think I've actually grown since high school but I really don't know. Anyway since high school I have gained 60 pounds! I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. I know I have it in me to lose at least the weight I've gained. To be honest I would love to lose 70 pounds.

I started watching The Biggest Loser last season with the families. Only five minutes into the new season I was sobbing. I immediately text a friend of mine who is also very over weight. She however needs to lose about 100 pounds. I told her that I need her to do this with be because I can't do it myself. She text me back right away and told me she was watching the show too and that she would love to do this with me. I know that we won't be dropping weight like they do on the show but if I could just lose like 5 pounds a week I would be sooooooo happy!

I'm hoping by having this blog that maybe I can do this! Knowing that I have people hopefully reading this will motivate me a little bit more to successfully lose weight. Each Monday I will post my current weight, how much weight I've lost, and the percentage of weight I've lost.

Wow this turned into a novel. If you have made it this far God bless you haha. Like I said in the beginning, I do most of my writing when I'm upset or emotional and well I tend to write A LOT! If any of you ladies read this it would be awesome if you could say a little prayer for me!