As ya'll can probably figure out by now, I'm a sucky blogger. I've just been stupid busy. Most of the down time I have I'm at my nanny job and I don't want to sit in their office and blog.
I have been eating more healthy. I'm not on a strict diet yet but I'm doing better. I just have no motivation when it's cold out. The past couple of days have been decent, at least for Indiana. The family I nanny for just got a new puppy and I'm the lucky one that gets to pretty much train it. Yay for me. At least it get's my want for a puppy fulfilled. I think the girls and I spent like 4 hours outside yesterday. We made snow chairs, snowmen, and snow angels. It was fun. Of course I was soaking wet by the time we got done but I actually for whatever reason had an extra outfit in the car lol. It was nice to get outside and get a little bit of excersize. They have a play set and a trampoline! I'll be able to do pull-ups on their monkey bars!! I'm sure jumping up and down on a trampoline will burn quite a few calories too. I'll throw in some dumb bells for extra measure lol.
On a good note, the 8 pounds that I have lost I haven't gained them back. I haven't lost anymore than that but I'm just happy that I havne't gained them back. Warm weather will be here soon! My little brother is getting married August 22nd this year so I have a few months to get thinner. Thank God the dresses are going to be black!! That really excites me haha!!
I might have a Valentine this year too!! I'm trying to not read into it too much but it's nice to have someone interested in me!!!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Why can't I have good dreams?
So it's 9:00 a.m. right now. Still pretty early for me. You would think I would be rested since I actually fell asleep at a decent time for once. Although I did fall asleep at like 11 p.m. or something like that I had a re-occurring nightmare last night. I don't know where it came from and I didn't know a single person in my dream. The only thing I remember out of the dream was I was at a party, a girl apparently pissed me off really bad, I followed her into the bathroom and beat the crap out of her. I decided to leave and my "friends" left with me. As we pull up to the stop light like 50 cop cars surround us. They ask me to step out of the car and arrest me. I was flipping out because they didn't read me my rights or even tell me why I was being arrested. A few minutes later I found out that I actually killed the girl that I beat up. All I said was "oh my bad". (Seriously, apparently in my dreams I have no conscience) I woke myself up because I was crying so hard. My pillow was even wet. I flipped it over and fell right back to sleep and right back into the dream. I was still in the car. We went to the jail and I was booked in or whatever. It felt like I had been there forever but it was probably like a couple of hours. The turnkey said my name and told me I was free to go. I was like but I killed someone. He told me someone else confessed and that I was free to go. I woke back up was like WTF and fell back asleep. Again the dream starts right where it left off. A couple of days later there was a court hearing for the chick that confessed to the murder. Apparently the dead girl pissed a lot of people off. As she was walking out of the bathroom after I beat the crap out of her she got stabbed and that's when she died. Then finally the dream was over.
I'm pretty sure that's gotta mean I've got some underlying anger issues or something. I want to find a dream analyst or whatever they are and have someone break that dream down for me. People I don't even know in my dream, beating them up, them dying, me going to jail. I mean there is this girl that I absolutely hate with a passion buuuuuuuut I would never kill her. Her boyfriend which is a friend of mine is going to jail soon. Maybe that whole situation has to do with my dream/nightmare. Ugh I dunno I just know that I was very restless last night because of it so I didn't sleep well.
Ok now I'm off to work then to my nephew's 3rd birthday party. Man I can't believe he's 3!!
I'm pretty sure that's gotta mean I've got some underlying anger issues or something. I want to find a dream analyst or whatever they are and have someone break that dream down for me. People I don't even know in my dream, beating them up, them dying, me going to jail. I mean there is this girl that I absolutely hate with a passion buuuuuuuut I would never kill her. Her boyfriend which is a friend of mine is going to jail soon. Maybe that whole situation has to do with my dream/nightmare. Ugh I dunno I just know that I was very restless last night because of it so I didn't sleep well.
Ok now I'm off to work then to my nephew's 3rd birthday party. Man I can't believe he's 3!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
I just don't understand. I don't know what to do.
I started to write this earlier but I got distracted, imagine that haha. Damn ADD!
I was writing about one of the girls that I nanny for. We're going to call her....Abby. She's 12 years old, she's about 5 feet tall and I'm going to say around 140 pounds give or take. This child is extremely over weight. My best friend and I took the girls to the movies New Years Eve to see Bedtime Stories. Stephanie and I split a small popcorn and a small drink. We didn't finish either. The 3 girls had a large popcorn. The 2 younger girls split a drink and the oldest. Abby had a large drink (32oz.) The little girls had a little bit of popcorn. Steph and I watched Abby eat non-stop through out the movie. SHE ATE THE ENTIRE BUCKET OF POPCORN AND WANTED MORE! SHE ALSO DRANK THE WHOLE SODA AND WANTED MORE! As we watched her we noticed used both hands and always had popcorn in her mouth. Her eyes never once left the screen. I figured out later that she had almost 3,000 calories in a 2 hour movie. She doesn't even realize she's eating. After the movie she asked where we were going to lunch. We told her that we weren't going to lunch since you guys had a big bucket of popcorn. Oh by the way, the girls are Stephanie's cousins.
About a week ago I made pizza for the girls for dinner. The younger sister, let's call her Madelynn had two slices, I had one and Abby at the other 5. I cleaned up the dinner mess and started playing a game with Madelynn. About 10 minutes later I hear a bunch of noise in the kitchen, Abby is making ANOTHER pizza! I looked at her and said oh you're still hungry? Why don't you wait a little bit longer and if you're still hungry you can eat something else let's put the pizza away. She told me no she was still hungry and made the pizza anyway! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS??? SHE ATE THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!!!!!!!! SHE ATE 12 PIECES OF PIZZA!!! Not to mention she always has a "snack" when she gets home from school, I would call it a meal. A few days ago, I am again making a pizza. Abby pulls out some left over breaded porkchops and mashed potatoes. I let her eat those thinking that was all she was eating since the amount of potatoes she had covered a dinner plate and the pork chop was pretty big too. Nope she ate 4 pieces of pizza too. Tonight yet again I'm making pizza (it's easy and no mess lol). She again is eating a pork shop with like 12 loaded potatoe skins. I had 1/2 of a slice of pizza. Her sister wasn't hungry and said she would eat a bowl of cereal before bed. Abby ate the rest of the pizza!
This is beyond ridiculous! I'm still new to the family and I don't think it's my place to say anything but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum! I don't know what to do. Do I let her just eat or get stern with her and tell her no?? They have a huge pantry and it's nothing but junk food and all in reach of the girls. They have a side by side fridge that is packed full and an up-right deep freezer that is jammed full of crap. There's not a lot of healthy food. I've decided that the only way I can stay on my diet is if I bring my own food. She already has breathing problems. She's out of breath easily. She does nothing but sit in front of the computer or tv and eat. I know that when the family confronts her parents they get pissed. I'm not going to lie it's pretty much their fault. She's going to be going into Jr. High next year. It's going to be a painful experience for her and I'm scared for her.
I just don't know what to do. If any of you ladies could help that would be wonderful!
I was writing about one of the girls that I nanny for. We're going to call her....Abby. She's 12 years old, she's about 5 feet tall and I'm going to say around 140 pounds give or take. This child is extremely over weight. My best friend and I took the girls to the movies New Years Eve to see Bedtime Stories. Stephanie and I split a small popcorn and a small drink. We didn't finish either. The 3 girls had a large popcorn. The 2 younger girls split a drink and the oldest. Abby had a large drink (32oz.) The little girls had a little bit of popcorn. Steph and I watched Abby eat non-stop through out the movie. SHE ATE THE ENTIRE BUCKET OF POPCORN AND WANTED MORE! SHE ALSO DRANK THE WHOLE SODA AND WANTED MORE! As we watched her we noticed used both hands and always had popcorn in her mouth. Her eyes never once left the screen. I figured out later that she had almost 3,000 calories in a 2 hour movie. She doesn't even realize she's eating. After the movie she asked where we were going to lunch. We told her that we weren't going to lunch since you guys had a big bucket of popcorn. Oh by the way, the girls are Stephanie's cousins.
About a week ago I made pizza for the girls for dinner. The younger sister, let's call her Madelynn had two slices, I had one and Abby at the other 5. I cleaned up the dinner mess and started playing a game with Madelynn. About 10 minutes later I hear a bunch of noise in the kitchen, Abby is making ANOTHER pizza! I looked at her and said oh you're still hungry? Why don't you wait a little bit longer and if you're still hungry you can eat something else let's put the pizza away. She told me no she was still hungry and made the pizza anyway! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS??? SHE ATE THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!!!!!!!! SHE ATE 12 PIECES OF PIZZA!!! Not to mention she always has a "snack" when she gets home from school, I would call it a meal. A few days ago, I am again making a pizza. Abby pulls out some left over breaded porkchops and mashed potatoes. I let her eat those thinking that was all she was eating since the amount of potatoes she had covered a dinner plate and the pork chop was pretty big too. Nope she ate 4 pieces of pizza too. Tonight yet again I'm making pizza (it's easy and no mess lol). She again is eating a pork shop with like 12 loaded potatoe skins. I had 1/2 of a slice of pizza. Her sister wasn't hungry and said she would eat a bowl of cereal before bed. Abby ate the rest of the pizza!
This is beyond ridiculous! I'm still new to the family and I don't think it's my place to say anything but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum! I don't know what to do. Do I let her just eat or get stern with her and tell her no?? They have a huge pantry and it's nothing but junk food and all in reach of the girls. They have a side by side fridge that is packed full and an up-right deep freezer that is jammed full of crap. There's not a lot of healthy food. I've decided that the only way I can stay on my diet is if I bring my own food. She already has breathing problems. She's out of breath easily. She does nothing but sit in front of the computer or tv and eat. I know that when the family confronts her parents they get pissed. I'm not going to lie it's pretty much their fault. She's going to be going into Jr. High next year. It's going to be a painful experience for her and I'm scared for her.
I just don't know what to do. If any of you ladies could help that would be wonderful!
My lifestyle makeover starts today!
So my makeover starts today. I'm not calling it a diet, I'm calling it a lifestyle makeover! The food plan is extremely easy, a little boring but easy. I'm even allowed 1 diet soda a day! I don't like diet soda but I'm sure I can learn. If not then water it will be. It's just your basic chicken and fish for dinner. Turkey for lunch. Healthy crap lol for breakfast. I'm going to be investing in TurboJam because it's pretty cheap and it looks like it's going to work. A couple of my friends are getting a few other work out DVD's so we'll have a nice variation. I'm soooooo excited to start this. Hopefully since I'm so excited about it I'll actually see results for once! I really want to put before and after pictures as well as progress pictures but I'm not sure how brave I am. Maybe after I start seeing some results I will.
I'm also trying to quit smoking. I have cut back a lot! I never smoked a whole lot to begin with but a pack of cigarettes is lasting me almost 2 weeks now rather than a pack a week. It's literally on average one or two a day sometimes none at all. It's more of a social thing I guess. I rarely smoke at home and if I do it's because I'm extremely pissed off or I have a headache. I smoke in the car and at work. If I'm with people who don't smoke I won't out of respect for them. I don't want to do too much at once though because if I fail I'll just quit completely. Cross your fingers for me.
Alright now onto my starting weight:
187lbs (PUUUUUUUUUKE)
Next week if there is any change I'll post my weight. Pray for some change!!!
I'm also trying to quit smoking. I have cut back a lot! I never smoked a whole lot to begin with but a pack of cigarettes is lasting me almost 2 weeks now rather than a pack a week. It's literally on average one or two a day sometimes none at all. It's more of a social thing I guess. I rarely smoke at home and if I do it's because I'm extremely pissed off or I have a headache. I smoke in the car and at work. If I'm with people who don't smoke I won't out of respect for them. I don't want to do too much at once though because if I fail I'll just quit completely. Cross your fingers for me.
Alright now onto my starting weight:
187lbs (PUUUUUUUUUKE)
Next week if there is any change I'll post my weight. Pray for some change!!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Very Emotional
Alright so I do most of my writing when I'm upset or just emotional. Well tonight would be the night. I have been crying for about 4 hours now. Everything is making me cry like a baby. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing but the crying won't stop.
It all started when I started to watch the new season of The Biggest Loser. Here's a little background into my life. I've always been a little chubby. I've never had a flat stomach (a huge goal of mine). I've always loved food. Maybe I'm in denial but I've never felt that I had a problem with eating, like an addiction. Most of my family is over weight. My dad's side of the family has the biggest weight problem. My dad is 6'1 and weighs 250. Now I think he looks fine but I know he's not as healthy as he could be. He's also my dad so I'm naturally going to stick up for him. My aunt is almost 6ft tall as well. I'm not sure of her weight but I'm guessing she's at least 250 if not more. My uncle who passed away just over 2 years ago was just 8 days away from turning 30 and at least 450 pounds when he passed away. He had been fighting Pneumonia for a couple of weeks. He was taken to the emergency room 2 days before. The morning he passed he woke up and said he felt better than ever. Unfortunately 20 minutes later he passed. He died of a blood clot in his lung. The doctors weren't able to see it because there was so much fat. In the end he died before he made it to 30. I remember when I was young family members saying he won't make it to 30. Unfortunately he proved them right.
In high school my weight fluctuated between 125 and 135. For my height and body frame that weight was perfect. I'm 5'5 with a medium build. I think I've actually grown since high school but I really don't know. Anyway since high school I have gained 60 pounds! I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. I know I have it in me to lose at least the weight I've gained. To be honest I would love to lose 70 pounds.
I started watching The Biggest Loser last season with the families. Only five minutes into the new season I was sobbing. I immediately text a friend of mine who is also very over weight. She however needs to lose about 100 pounds. I told her that I need her to do this with be because I can't do it myself. She text me back right away and told me she was watching the show too and that she would love to do this with me. I know that we won't be dropping weight like they do on the show but if I could just lose like 5 pounds a week I would be sooooooo happy!
I'm hoping by having this blog that maybe I can do this! Knowing that I have people hopefully reading this will motivate me a little bit more to successfully lose weight. Each Monday I will post my current weight, how much weight I've lost, and the percentage of weight I've lost.
Wow this turned into a novel. If you have made it this far God bless you haha. Like I said in the beginning, I do most of my writing when I'm upset or emotional and well I tend to write A LOT! If any of you ladies read this it would be awesome if you could say a little prayer for me!
It all started when I started to watch the new season of The Biggest Loser. Here's a little background into my life. I've always been a little chubby. I've never had a flat stomach (a huge goal of mine). I've always loved food. Maybe I'm in denial but I've never felt that I had a problem with eating, like an addiction. Most of my family is over weight. My dad's side of the family has the biggest weight problem. My dad is 6'1 and weighs 250. Now I think he looks fine but I know he's not as healthy as he could be. He's also my dad so I'm naturally going to stick up for him. My aunt is almost 6ft tall as well. I'm not sure of her weight but I'm guessing she's at least 250 if not more. My uncle who passed away just over 2 years ago was just 8 days away from turning 30 and at least 450 pounds when he passed away. He had been fighting Pneumonia for a couple of weeks. He was taken to the emergency room 2 days before. The morning he passed he woke up and said he felt better than ever. Unfortunately 20 minutes later he passed. He died of a blood clot in his lung. The doctors weren't able to see it because there was so much fat. In the end he died before he made it to 30. I remember when I was young family members saying he won't make it to 30. Unfortunately he proved them right.
In high school my weight fluctuated between 125 and 135. For my height and body frame that weight was perfect. I'm 5'5 with a medium build. I think I've actually grown since high school but I really don't know. Anyway since high school I have gained 60 pounds! I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. I know I have it in me to lose at least the weight I've gained. To be honest I would love to lose 70 pounds.
I started watching The Biggest Loser last season with the families. Only five minutes into the new season I was sobbing. I immediately text a friend of mine who is also very over weight. She however needs to lose about 100 pounds. I told her that I need her to do this with be because I can't do it myself. She text me back right away and told me she was watching the show too and that she would love to do this with me. I know that we won't be dropping weight like they do on the show but if I could just lose like 5 pounds a week I would be sooooooo happy!
I'm hoping by having this blog that maybe I can do this! Knowing that I have people hopefully reading this will motivate me a little bit more to successfully lose weight. Each Monday I will post my current weight, how much weight I've lost, and the percentage of weight I've lost.
Wow this turned into a novel. If you have made it this far God bless you haha. Like I said in the beginning, I do most of my writing when I'm upset or emotional and well I tend to write A LOT! If any of you ladies read this it would be awesome if you could say a little prayer for me!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I haven't blogged in a couple of years. Every time I blog I'm writing about some guy. Well so far this year I don't have a new guy in my life and I'm absolutely happy without one. Sure it would be nice to have a boyfriend but at this point in my life I don't think it's the right time. So I'm hoping with that said I can just write about whatever comes to mind!
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